Monthly Archives: November 2012

“It doesn’t need to be true, it just needs to be on paper.”

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Angel

I was thirsty and uncomfortable waiting for the flight attendants to roll down the length of the plane and serve me 4-6 ounces of choice beverage. It’s bittersweet having an aisle seat because you can see how far away the beverage cart is. I couldn’t help but notice the name tag on on of the ladies read “Angel.” She looked in her 40’s and had obviously gotten some plastic surgery done on her face. No wedding ring, but she had a tan line where it used to be. I imagine she grew up with everyone calling her their “little Angel” all the time. That would mess you up pretty good, but there’s nothing she can do about that now. She asked what I wanted from her stiff smile and I just said “It’s okay, I don’t need anything.”

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I suppose as your writing teacher I’m supposed to give you an assignment. So for that assignment I would like you to write something.

Is that it?

Yes.

Just, anything?

No, something. Something in particular.

What does it need to be about?

Like I said, something.

Well, if there’s basically no rules, can I just sneeze on a piece of paper and turn it in?

This isn’t art class–there are rules here. I try to keep it simple, but you people keep trying to be creative and keep messing it up, so I don’t add any more rules. I’ve had many students try to write about anything and it never works out.

Okay, so how long does it need to be?

Write until you think I’m convinced, then stop.

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camera

Yes, yes. Smile for the camera. You love the camera. The camera is your friend. You want to wink at the camera from across the bar and buy it a drink.  You want to take it out for a nice dinner. You blink and imagine the camera naked. You love the camera. You want to take it home with you. You tell the camera you love it, but it doesn’t love you back. You’ll do anything to make the camera love you. You start seeing other cameras just to make it jealous, and you make up; but it’s all in vain. You’re living a lie, but you get tired, and can’t keep up the charade… all for the camera.

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Oh, bumping, thumping, wonder-rumpus,

penetrating through the walls.

How magical, your magnum opus;

kick drum, high hat, disco balls.

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“If I shouldn’t believe everything I hear, should I believe everything I say?”

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It seems like the glutton free diet would be the one that works best.

It’s pronounced gluten. Not glutton.

Oh. Well what’s the point of that?

I don’t know. Tell you to avoid something so all you can do is think about it.

Hmm, seems a bit cruel.

Why? You should be able to control what goes into your mouth.

Not that. I mean diets; do any of these diets even work?

They say they do.

It just seems like if a diet worked than only one diet book would sell, but they don’t, so hundreds get made and people keep buying diet book after diet book… It just seems a bit cruel.

Then so are batteries. People keep buying them even though they know they won’t last.

But that’s way different.

No it isn’t. Do you really think people would change if one book had all the answers?

…Maybe.

People want to keep thinking the next book they pick up has the answer their looking for. It’s not cruel; it’s what keeps them running. Let them run.

Hmm, then I guess they’ll at least get some exercise.

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“Guys with small [paychecks] always have to go around telling people how big their [paycheck] is.”

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firetruck

I was taking a shuttle home from the airport along with a curmudgeony old man and lady (unrelated), and a family of two grandparents, two parents, and their three year old boy. Whenever a police car or a firetruck would come into site, the kid would point it out and get really excited. Authority figures weren’t the only things he saw though. He would point out the colorful building or the school bus, but nothing got him quite excited as a bright red firetruck. Now the parents are on the lookout for firetrucks too, in case their sun missed any “–there’s one–” and all of a sudden they’re really excited about firetrucks. Now 15 years later their kid has moved off to college and they can’t help but get a little excited when they hear a siren and a see a firetruck race off to go water down someone else’s livelihood.

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Whenever you ever do gather your thoughts

In a pile of nonsense or jumbled up knots,

Remember that whether or not you have wrought

A whole lot, that taking a shot is never for naught.

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