Monthly Archives: May 2013

The word is “Considerate.”

Uh, can you use it in a sentence?

Yes, “considerate done.”

Um, I don’t think that’s how it’s used.

Do you want me to use it in another sentence? This isn’t a grammar bee–just spell the word.

Can you tell me the definition?

I don’t know; can I?

Could you at least consider it? This isn’t a jack-ass bee.

…Considerate: the quality of doing something with considerable consideration for considerately being considered for considering the consideracy.

Can you give me anything useful at all?!

It starts with the letter “C.”

I see… Okay–

Incorrect.

What?!

Considerate. It starts C-O-N-S, not I-C-O-K… I honestly don’t know how you messed that up.

F-U.

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Downhill

The danger of skydiving is that you have to come back down to the ground. I’m not talking about hitting the ground at terminal velocity. I’m talking about how skydiving is the most exciting thing you will ever do in your life, and then you have to get in your car and drive home for 45 minutes in traffic, eat, sleep, and go to work on Monday when all you can think about is how much better you felt while you were falling.

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newspaper

A man sat down on a park bench and started reading the newspaper. He grew more and more bewildered with each word, not knowing what to make of the news.

A child then came up to him and asked, “Sir, why are you holding that upside-down?”

To which the man replied, “Because I’m illiterate.”

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“It’s hard to frown when you make someone else smile.”

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“Life is a one-liner.”

“No it’s not!”

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Just a Game

Two friends were playing a game, and one kept losing. The losing one was not enjoying losing, and complained, “Why do you even play this game, it’s so trivial and pointless anyways?”
The winning friend retorted, “It’s all about skill and strategy. It looks simple but it’s actually really complex; you just have to be good at it.”
The losing friend shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just a game.”

They continued playing until the losing friend won a game and threw his arms up. “Yes, I’m finally winning!”
The other friend shrugged his shoulders, “It’s just a game.” And set up another round.

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“A novelist is a failed short story writer,
a short story writer is a failed poet,
and a poet is a failed quotationist.”

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“In the occupation of writing, very little time is spent actually writing. A writer’s job is to think in a way that has never been thought before… and I don’t think that pays the bills.”

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“Don’t spend too long looking up quotes on the internet. Go outside or something and use some of them.”

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Rush

I have a knack of always beating the rush to a line, but I never really checked to see if I was actually just holding up the line and making it longer.

…Nah. That’s impossible.

 

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