Breathe

“Here’s good.” She said.

A man and his wife started driving off the highway because she wanted to see if they could go somewhere where there was no sound. They drive through a dusty plain until they can’t see the road, and then they get out of the car. No rush of cars, horns, alarms, bells. Nothing surrounds them except a single tree in the distance.

The car’s warm engine crackles and pops softly. She raises an eyebrow at him. He responds with a sigh and he leads her towards the distant tree. It’s hot, and it’s a long walk. He fans the both of them with a used road map. A little over half way the wife sees the tree clearly. A dryness has spread through its branches like a cancer. The husband turns to look back, seeing that his wife had stopped walking. For the briefest of moments they were alone.

“Here’s good.” She lies down on the ground, and he joins her. She rests her head on his chest, closing her eyes, imagining nothing, listening to the only sound in the world; his heartbeat. It was bigger than anything in that moment, it was the only thing she felt, and when she closed her eyes it was all she knew. If she so much as lifted her head, opened her eyes, it would be gone forever. Of course his heart would keep beating, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would never be the same.

Unaware she had been holding her breath, she finally relaxed, and let it go.

“Here’s good.” He echoed. “…Here’s good.” And he closed his eyes.

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28 thoughts on “Breathe

  1. So much beauty in so few words. Excellent work friend!

  2. Eccoweaver says:

    I like how you were able to convey so much for the reader to feel and self-illustrate while hardly having to say anything (relative to what might have been the word count in a much larger work). Effective and touching. Keep it up!

  3. isonder says:

    I like it.

    Constructive Critique: Only thing I can say (and I’m not perfect, I get harped on this a lot too in my creative writing) is that you switch tenses between past and present in the first paragraph: “Started” and then everything else is in present.

  4. chelawriter says:

    Beautifully restful and refreshing to read and participate in, after a very long and stress filled work day. Thank you for the imagery.

  5. The repetition of the simple words, “Here’s good.” casts a spellbinding affect after the second time. This couple is in tune with each other but I couldn’t figure out what the reason for this sharing might be. Someone else mentioned the tags and a whole other scenario developed. An aha.
    Still this is a poignant story which tugs at the heartstrings. ;-)

  6. Really beautiful…….I was right there with them..

  7. Al says:

    You’ve been hiding this talent behind cartoons. Glad it found it’s way out.

  8. jimgramze says:

    Nicely done. So many things that matter are ignored.

  9. Me says:

    Real change of direction for you… really excellent

  10. I wouldn’t have understood the story if the tags weren’t there, but anyway…I can feel this story slowing down when they were resting…I can feel the quiet drama here…

    This is pretty rare, coming from a blogger who usually posts funny puns. Is it a momentary change of pace, perhaps?

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