Tag Archives: answer

Window

I found myself with some extra time today. I didn’t really like going for walks, but I convinced myself I don’t have anything better to do. Besides, I’ve been working hard and should relax. It was mid-afternoon and the weather was perfect, or at least how I like it. The temperature was warm, with a very high, thin layer of cloud cover that diffused the bright sunlight.

I came upon a park. It was a large grass field with a circular path around it and people from all walks of life. This park just so happened to sit on the top of a large hill. It was called “Reservoir Park,” probably because of the giant water tank fixed maybe 50 feet above the ground, giving life to thousands of houses below.

I started walking counter-clockwise around the park and noticed a familiar looking view. I’d never seen this particular view before, but I recognized it because it looked out over where I grew up. I stopped and stared out at the hill I grew up on. I used to venture into the woods and climb up a tree high enough so I could stare out into the future, unknowingly looking out to where I was standing today, into a mirror with no reflection. I tried to think about everything that’s happened between then and now, all the success, all the heartbreak, everything that’s gotten me to this point so far and changed me from who I was into who I am, but I couldn’t. Nothing came to mind.

From the outside I’d assume that this would be great cause for concern, or should at least worry me in some sense, but I wasn’t even aware that nothing came to mind (funny how minds work). I wasn’t void of memories, but I was remembering, only instead of thoughts coming to mind it was purely feelings coming to heart; the joy, the pain, the love, the longing. I stayed in that moment for quite some time, and after I began to continue my walk I realized I indeed have grown since a child staring out from the tree tops. Never once growing up did I assume I would end up so close to my original home (at least so far). I always had some lofty goal that I would be extremely successful in whatever I did and move far away to somewhere better, some mystical land, wherever that was. But that was before I came out of the woods and went out to live my life. It’s easy to dream when everything looks so open.

Possibly the most important growth that I have experienced is an emotional one. It may seem super simple for some, but I have always been a logical person, using reasoning, knowledge, and whatever else I could prove or validate in order to come to any conclusion. ‘Emotions’ have not been easy for me. I’d get happy and sad like everyone else, but I never got too attached to anything, and would never say, “I’ve got a feeling about this…” Emotions have more or less been a reaction or side effect, so for me a purely emotional response to something is quite amazing, awakening, and somewhat of a miracle. If I can simply look at a view and feel such a wide range and depth of emotions, then that’s amazing. What good are thoughts and circumstances if we don’t feel anything? Every time I asked myself “what do I want to do with my life?” I’ll come up with an answer, and then ask myself, “why?” I’ll do that a few times and it always boils down to something along the lines of “I want to feel happy, feel good, feel loved,” and a big part of that is making others feel loved as well.

I completed my circular walk and looked back across the park to where I stood saw the view, and I couldn’t see it anymore from where I was standing. The trees hid the view from the street, and I noticed if I hadn’t first chosen, logically, to go on this walk, then I would not have ever seen that view, that narrow window into the past. Of course it’s easy to see now, but how many other opportunities like this have I missed? In how many other ways am I still looking out from the trees, waiting to see a reflection?

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“It’s not about having the right answers, but asking the right questions… but then again you’re still going to need an answer.”

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It seems like the glutton free diet would be the one that works best.

It’s pronounced gluten. Not glutton.

Oh. Well what’s the point of that?

I don’t know. Tell you to avoid something so all you can do is think about it.

Hmm, seems a bit cruel.

Why? You should be able to control what goes into your mouth.

Not that. I mean diets; do any of these diets even work?

They say they do.

It just seems like if a diet worked than only one diet book would sell, but they don’t, so hundreds get made and people keep buying diet book after diet book… It just seems a bit cruel.

Then so are batteries. People keep buying them even though they know they won’t last.

But that’s way different.

No it isn’t. Do you really think people would change if one book had all the answers?

…Maybe.

People want to keep thinking the next book they pick up has the answer their looking for. It’s not cruel; it’s what keeps them running. Let them run.

Hmm, then I guess they’ll at least get some exercise.

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Merry-Go-Round

“Why do politicians never answer with a straight yes or no?”

It’s not that they want to explain their answer; they want votes. So if you answered “yes” or “no,” more people may agree with you, but more people may disagree with you. And if you’ve ever been on the playground, you probably remember the one kid who pushed you down or made fun of you once, once; and not the countless times other kids helped you out. Yes, politics is a bit like an elementary school popularity contest, and the one kid who doesn’t disagree with anyone ends up being the most liked.

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