Tag Archives: blurb

Unprovoked

A black bird, which looked like a crow, was gliding alone through the sky. Gliding? This caught my eye. I blocked the sun with my hand and watched it. It then suddenly tucked its wings in and rolled onto its back, its pointed beak leading the way as it began to dive down. Suddenly it unraveled its wings and effortlessly rolled back upright, catching its fall, and continuing to glide repeating this maneuver several time as it cascaded across the sky, flipping itself around with nothing but what can only be described of as joy. I’ve never seen a crow have fun before, or any animal for that matter entertain itself while so isolated and unprovoked.

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Splash

You’re standing on the high-dive platform.

Below is the pool. That is death.

Your friend just pushed you off the platform. That is life.

Are you going to smile and make a splash, or curse at your friend the whole way down until you’re under water?

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Friday the 13th

I never really understood Friday the 13th. Is everyone on the planet supposed to have horribly bad luck on this day? Is there some sort of luck-karma built up that is all released on one day so every other day can be pleasant? It’s just a day, and I happen to like fridays, so why does it have to be bad luck all of a sudden? Why can’t it be a day of good luck? Like all of a sudden everyone wins the lottery, or all the lights turn green, or your boss says to take the day off? That’s not really even what I wonder about though; it’s superstitions in general. My theory is that superstitions just prevent us from doing stupid things that are really just common sense in the first place, and “bad luck” is just all of the pins you knock down while bowling down the ‘stupid lane’ with bumpers one. You hear people say “Don’t walk under a ladder, it’s bad luck.” “If a black cat walks across your path, it’s bad luck.” “If you open an umbrella inside, it’s bad luck.” “If you break a mirror…” etc.

Really, this is what I think happens:

Don’t walk under a ladder because that’s stupid. Something could fall on you, or you could knock it over.

If a black cat, probably a stray if it’s out alone, walks across your path then you’re probably in a bad neighborhood, so stay away from ‘black cats.’

If you open an umbrella inside you’ll just look stupid because it never rains inside.

And don’t break mirrors! Why would you break a mirror? It makes a huge mess and it sucks to replace. Furthermore you or someone else could end up stepping on glass. Be careful!

So just use some common sense… or else it’ll be bad luck.

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ZOMG

I think as a culture we’re so fascinated and scared by zombies because besides not having a heartbeat, there’s not much difference between having a crappy 9-5 job and being a zombie. They’re like the embodiment of the worst version of ourselves. A shell of a human. Basically dead already, but still walking around and going through the motions like we need to keep pushing papers and sending emails because the survival of the species depends on whether or not those quarterly reports that no one reads were formatted correctly.

…I am Jack’s sense of humor.

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concrete jungle zoo

After a devastating earthquake in a destitute third world country, many first world organizations sent ‘short-term missionary teams’ to help the devastated population return to their lives.

There was rubble and wreckage and people collecting their broken lives in a wheelbarrow and hauling them away by the side of the road. Without homes, the people were openly on display as cars drove by, however no one seemed to notice in the same way you don’t notice every breath you take.

The short term missionaries then rolled through with their shiny rented cars and took pictures like it was a zoo. Normally in these circumstances those inside the car would be afraid, but the glass windows of the car served as a barrier that detached and removed these short-term missionaries from the world; but from the outside it was clear that those in the air conditioned cars were the ones on display.

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well this socks

One thing that I will fail to understand is how there is always that one extra sock left after doing laundry. Where do they go? Is there a Neverland for lost socks, or does the machine purposely guzzle the most frustrating item of clothing to lose as a fee for drying? Maybe they just hate being crammed into a dark drawer, awakened rudely, stuffed into shoes, and then stepped on all day. It’s a rough life being a sock, and I can see why they might want to escape.

Even though you’re only missing one sock, somehow every pair of socks you own end up being mismatched and nothing is the same, and you just don’t know what to do with that one extra sock. Should you put it in the drawer and forget about it, should you keep it as some sort of memorial, or should you just throw it away? There’s no good way to fold a single sock.

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Avocado Refrigerator

We can’t attempt to compartmentalize things in life; put the oranges here, the greens in a separate fridge with a different humidity than the cheese will allow, and give the avocados get their own special fridge. Of course each food has its own ideal way it can be stored to maintain optimum freshness and maximize shelf life, but if you catered to the specific needs of each individual food, you’d exhaust your resources, your expenses, and yourself by all the running around you’d have to do just to make dinner. You might think you’re doing a good job of organizing, and this might happen elsewhere, too. “There’s too many files in this folder. I know–I’ll give them all their own folder!” So now instead of fixing the problem, there’s “too many folders in this drawer! I can’t find anything!”

While trying to be fair to the food, you are being unfair to yourself. You need to treat yourself with some respect; and actually by stuffing everything into the same fridge at a uniform temperature and humidity, it’s more respectful to the food too. No one gets special treatment so they know not to ask for it. It’s nothing unusual; it’s just the best option. The food might whine and complain, but who doesn’t complain every once in a while? The food doesn’t care if you do anything about its complaints, it just wants to vent. You might say, “This quinoa is going straight to my hips,” and then eat it anyway. Same thing. Otherwise, if you cater to every food and try to please them all with their own special climate, it won’t work; it never does. And all you’ll be left with is an empty avocado refrigerator.

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Dsyelixa

has n knee 1 ever shode you w hat it slike tubie dyslexic? the yonely rooliz thaire our know rewels.

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Tumbleweeds

I don’t know much about reincarnation, but from what I’ve gathered, it seems like the soul is like a tumbleweed. It grows throughout it’s life, and then when it is time it actualizes, or maybe just then, it first realizes its purpose as it leaves its roots behind and wanders until it finds somewhere to rest. And it starts all over again.

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Flies

“Time flies.” but I don’t think so. It doesn’t always go so fast. Instead, I think “time is like a fly.” I’m sure it’d be happy to just sit there and calmly enjoy the day with you, but you just have to keep scaring it off, don’t you?

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