Sooo… this exists now
WARNING: Contains sexual humor, drug references, and language.
WARNING: Do not use in the shower.
WARNING: Hot contents may burn you.
WARNING: Aim away from face.
WARNING: Contents may explode under pressure.
WARNING: You may stop reading the word “Warning.”
WARNING: Do not ignore this warning.
WARNING: This could kill you.
WARNING: Contents not suitable for mature audiences.
WARNING: Do not use this product under any circumstances.
WARNING: Don’t get too curious.
WARNING: Keep out of reach of children, teenagers, couples.
WARNING: This end up.
WARNING: Contents may shatter when broken.
WARNING: Alarm will sound.
WARNING: Wearing a helmet does not guarantee your safety.
WARNING: Wearing a seat belt does not guarantee the safety of others.
WARNING: May contain nuts.
WARNING: You are what you eat.
WARNING: Do not ingest.
WARNING: May cause drowsiness.
WARNING: May cause lousiness.
WARNING: Do not take orally or rectally, or without paying first.
WARNING: Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hands.
WARNING: Objects in mirror are backwards.
WARNING: For indoor and outdoor use only.
WARNING: Do not attempt to fly indoors.
WARNING: Theft of this product is a crime.
WARNING: You are entering a drug-free zone.
WARNING: You are entering a care-free zone.
WARNING: Do not place bag over head.
WARNING: Do not engage in vigilante justice.
WARNING: Glasses may impair vision.
WARNING: May increase risk of pregnancy.
WARNING: Do not shake contents of crib.
WARNING: Do not laugh at the natives.
WARNING: Do not laugh at the naives.
WARNING: Mispellings may occer.
WARNING: Slippery when wet.
WARNING: Do not use while unconscious.
WARNING: Do not use while subconscious.
WARNING: Only compliment one woman.
WARNING: Effects may result in side effects.
WARNING: Do not run with sharp objects.
WARNING: Do not run drugs for the cartel.
WARNING: Wear safety goggles while attempting this maneuver.
WARNING: Repeating something too much may lessen its impact.
WARNING: You’ve been warned.
What is wrong with people?
What do you mean?
Like, relationships. You don’t see bears in the woods cheating on each other.
True, but bears aren’t people.
Sometimes it seems hard to tell.
Yeah, but the difference between us and bears is that bears don’t know that they’re going to die. That’s why they don’t just start yolo-ing all over the place.
They can’t be completely clueless.
It’s not called the animal condition, it’s called the human condition.
I beg to differ. Animals in general avoid things that would kill them. I’m almost positive that they know they can die.
Yeah, that they can die; not that they will die. It’s nothing more than a reflex.
So if you knew you were going to die, would you go on a crazed sex rampage, or would you keep to yourself and one other person?
What are you talking about? I’m not going to die.
You know when it’s super quiet at the library, or a quiet spot in a movie, there’s always that one person that thinks if they unwrap their crinkly candy wrapper r e a l l y s l o w l y then you won’t be able to hear it? It’s more distracting when you’re trying not to draw attention to yourself. It’s going to make a noise either way; don’t drag it out. Just do it quickly and get it over with.
I am now promoting my twitter account, @allmostrelevant. It’s funny and keeps you notified.