Tag Archives: lie

Nice to Meet You

Let me introduce myself.
Let me pick you up at seven.
Let me show you a good time.
Let me put my arm around you.
Let me drive you home.
Let me show you how to have fun on the way.
Let me watch tv.
Let me leave the seat up.
Let me eat.
Let me compliment you today.
Let me hold it all in.
Let me live.
Let me come home late sometimes.
Let me explain that.
Let me think.
Let me change the subject.
Let me pack my things.
Let me cry.
Let me say goodbye.
Let me lie.
Let me come back.
Let me talk through the door.
Let me introduce myself.
Let me drive you home again.
Let me come in.
Let me show you an even better time.
Let me say it wasn’t my fault.
Let me say I’m sorry.
Let me love you.
Let me have a second chance.
Let me hold your hand nine months from now.
Let me see them on the weekends.
Let me apologize.
Let me back in.
Let me learn from my mistakes.
Let me start over.
Let me introduce myself.

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“People like to fall for their own tricks.”

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What’s on your mind?

Every living creature dies alone. That sort of thing.

That’s not always true. I’ve heard sometimes big groups of people, like in cults, come together and have mass suicides, like a big suicide party–oh and don’t forget about natural disasters. Lots of people die together in those.

Thanks. I feel way better now.

Well don’t drag your shit onto me. I’m feeling pretty good right now and I don’t want to deal with your existential crisis. I’ll deal with it when I get depressed on my own accord.

You could have just said that first. You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.

I was starting to feel bad, so I had to knock you down a few pegs, which made me feel better I gotta say.

Haven’t you heard of sharing the load to make it lighter?

Haven’t you heard about turds in punch bowls? I don’t want your shit in my mouth.

But we never talk about this kind of stuff. No one does.

And for a reason. People want to feel good. Yeah, we all know we’re all going to die, but we’d rather just distract ourselves from it than spend time thinking about it and dealing with it. Why do you think people are always on their phones doing dumb shit when they could have a quiet moment to reflect? Why do you think we distract ourselves from thought in general?

Yeah. I guess we’ve kind of gotten soft. No one wants to do the hard mental work to find true satisfaction; they just want to play fucking candy crush and feel happy for beating the next level or watch some fucking cats doing cute cat things.

Well yeah, that’s just the way it is, so deal with it.

I’m trying.

Well you’re sucking at it. Try harder.

But if I just distract myself it won’t actually change anything.

…I’ll give you some advice that my great grandpa gave me before he died, as long as you promise to shut up.

Ok. Sure.

When you feel like you are going to die — don’t die; and you will survive.

He said that?

Well, I’m translating, but that’s the gist.

Bullshit.

Well it’s what he said. Now shut the fuck up and eat some ice cream.

There’s no way he said that.

He was on the forefront of wisdom, what do you want me to say?

How about what he actually said?

But that is what he said.

I object! You expect me to believe this ill-conceived hearsay?

Why not? Everything is hearsay anyways. You wouldn’t even know how old you are if someone didn’t tell you. Everything can be true or false; it just matters if you believe it. You see, there’s a certain point in life when you realize that you’re not the judge. You don’t decide what happens, so you try to be the lawyer for a while, arguing about why it happens and all the time-consuming, convoluted questions that go along with that. But then you realize that you’re a crappy lawyer and are only confusing yourself, so you take another step back. Your real job is to be the jury, and decide what you want to believe. Because believing is the only choice we have, and the only decision worth giving a damn about. So don’t tell me you’re going to die, and don’t ask me why it will happen; just tell me what you’re going to do about it.

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Cake

Analyzing a joke is like telling someone cake is unhealthy. You don’t ever hear a comedian say, “does this joke make me look fat?” Just laugh and eat the cake. You can’t talk and chew at the same time.

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camera

Yes, yes. Smile for the camera. You love the camera. The camera is your friend. You want to wink at the camera from across the bar and buy it a drink.  You want to take it out for a nice dinner. You blink and imagine the camera naked. You love the camera. You want to take it home with you. You tell the camera you love it, but it doesn’t love you back. You’ll do anything to make the camera love you. You start seeing other cameras just to make it jealous, and you make up; but it’s all in vain. You’re living a lie, but you get tired, and can’t keep up the charade… all for the camera.

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You know what tastes bad? Anything after you’ve brushed your teeth.

Why do you eat immediately after you brush your teeth?

Why do you ask questions you know I’ll just avoid?

Why does the answer not matter anyway? I know you’ll just lie about it.

But I never do.

Because you always dodge the question.

Your point?

You’re on a treadmill.

You turned it on. I’m just running.

I bet you’re good at dodgeball.

I bet you’re good at throwing things.

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