Tag Archives: money

Borrowed

It’s really interesting the cultural shift towards lending out what you don’t use for others. You can rent someone’s house for the weekend, have someone give you a lift in their car, use someone’s place as storage… it’s interesting people are becoming more conscious of maximizing their resources (not being wasteful… is that what sustainability means?), and in the proper American way of “how can I make money off this?” It’s like in cultures where it’s common to have big, close families all the sharing happens within the little ‘tribe,’ but here we seem to not have that, and instead pay for the same service and favors. It’s Iike paying a fee to have that communal feeling of generosity–because it is not expected of us.

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Really

“Guidelines are for people who don’t know what they really want.”

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Reality Check

Bessy’s the best pet cow ever!
No, she’s not a pet…

Look! Goldie’s sleeping upside-down.
No, Goldie’s not sleeping.

She said I looked good.
No, she was just being nice.

Everyone laughed at my joke.
No, they were just laughing at you in general.

If I just had enough money.
No, if you just loved yourself first.

She’s the most beautiful girl ever.
No, you’re just drunk.

I want to be famous.
No, you’re just lonely.

I think she loves me.
No, she just said Hi.

I think I love her.
I think you’re crazy.

 

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Lonely Pencil Sharpener

Pencil sharpeners are whores. And you’re the pimp. We all know this. Even since a young age we would have dozens of pencils and only one pencil sharpener. You stick in pencil after pencil, red, blue, orange, pink, number 2, hard lead, soft lead — some don’t quite fit, but you cram them in anyways — it doesn’t matter to you. All that matters is the pencils keep getting sharpened until they go out into the rough world of paper, get dull again, and need to come back. Pencils come and go, but you use that same poor sharpener until it too, dulls and can no longer function, and you get a new one. It has seen so many pencils, but can’t seem to remember any of them. It’s all such a blur. This lonely pencil just wants one connection that will last, that’s all it asks. It just wants to feel special. In a perfect world you would have one pencil sharpener for every pencil you use, but this isn’t a perfect world. You line up the next pencil sharpener and make sure it is tight and firmly mounted on the wall. You add a drop of oil to prevent squeaking, turn a blind eye, and start lining up pencils again.

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“In the occupation of writing, very little time is spent actually writing. A writer’s job is to think in a way that has never been thought before… and I don’t think that pays the bills.”

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Ice Cream

I was thinking about ice cream the other day. Not about how I like Ben and Jerry’s half-baked or cherry garcia or anything like that, but more about how ice cream can save the day.

Society seems so compartmentalized and separated sometimes. You got different income brackets, demographics, different jobs, and even having so many ‘communities’ and subcultures can bunch us up and put us in little boxes. I mean, I get it — it’s understandable that we want to be with similar people with similar interests, because that makes us comfortable, but at the same time we shouldn’t feel uncomfortable or out of place if we hop in another box.

Whether we like it or not, we (people) love comparing. So we got all these boxes that we’ve put our selves in, and so naturally we put them on this ‘existential shelf’ and start saying “this box is better, that one sucks,” “I’m glad I’m not on the bottom shelf,” “Why is the top shelf way less crowded than the bottom? That’s not fair!” So then we start clawing our way to the top, pulling others down, biting ankles, stabbing backs, and the worst part is some actually succeed, however most will fail, and it becomes this big race we’ve made it out to be, and…

We just need to slow down.

There is no race. It’s not a competition. No one can win or lose. We forget that we’re all on the same level; there is no shelf.

This is where I think we just need to give everyone an ice cream cone. Just imagine if you did–for real. Everyone would have to stop what they’re doing and eat it. Big wig business executives in a board meeting, gang bangers meeting up on a street corner, soccer moms buzzing from place to place to place; everyone would stop, look around and see that everyone else has ice cream too. We are all on the same level. We might like different flavors and have our own unique way of eating our favorite cup or cone, but everyone likes ice cream. Relax. No one’s going to jump in front of you and cut you off because they’re also savoring a delicious frozen treat — because that’s what you do when someone gives you ice cream.

You take a moment… and enjoy it. You can’t afford to wait — or it’ll melt.

I am now promoting my twitter account, @allmostrelevant. It’s funny and keeps you notified.

…There

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Financé

I had friend with my lunch the other day and he asked me for financial advice, like what stocks are good to invest in and what’s the best sort of loan to get for this situation and that. I gave him the best advice I could, but remembered that I’m poor, and reminded him that if I were in his position, I wouldn’t take financial advice from me. I don’t even have finances. I don’t even have a financé.

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